Social Media


Don’t think. Just go!! Quick. 140 characters. Too long. Too short. Not smart enough. I don’t know. Respond. Say something!! Quick. Quick. People want to know what you think!! But I don’t know? Doesn’t matter. Go! Go! Gooooo!!!!!!!!!! 24 hours on social media is like three weeks in the real world. Quick!!! Blue & Black? White & Gold? Respond! Before it’s dead! New topic. New trend. Go, Quick. Go! Go! Don’t think. Just go!! Ok. Blue & Black. No. Too late #FatManDancing.


I feel like I’m not made for this world. I feel like I constantly have to be doing something. Sharing, tweeting, commenting, LOL’ing, replying, updating, tweeting, instagramming, re-tweeting, liking, unfollowing, following, de-friending, accepting, sharing, DM’ing downloading, responding, messaging, deleting, capturing….FUCK!

Why can’t I do nothing? Why do I have to be held accountable for every single minute of every single day?

Why can’t I just be? Surely this can’t be healthy?

It feels like all natural and healthy gaps in our days like waiting in the queue at the supermarket or sitting on the bog, all these blissful breaks in our busy lives are now filled with checking our feeds, counting our likes and playing candy crush. I am bombarded with perfectly polished, perfectly photo-shopped, perfectly douched lives on social media that always look so much fucking better than mine. Every day, hundreds of times a day, I voluntarily force-feed my subconscious with images of girls who are prettier than me, who have better homes and fatter bank accounts. And pugs…






BeMoreLikeMe copy 3











It makes me jealous. It makes me bitter.

I feel like with every tweet write , every picture I instagram and every Facebook post I publish, I am holding up a big sign saying JUDGE ME! LIKE ME! Oh dear God, please like this. Please like me.



This constant need for approval, tick, tick, tick, thumbs up. I like it. I approve. I feel like I’m constantly in the firing line. And for whom? Is this for me? Why am I doing this?



On top of that, everything is so freakin fast. Blink and you’ve missed it. Not only do I have to respond with knee bucklingly funny content but I also have to do it FAST!

I can no longer have a thought without worrying how it can be squeezed into 140 characters. I don’t understand twitter. It just seems to be a bunch of people desperately trying to sell me their content. It’s like everyone is just screaming look here! read this! buy this! like this! follow this! Whoever screams the loudest dictates the conversation.

I thought twitter was full of funny one-liners and breaking news. I didn’t realise it was just people trying to sell me their shit.

It’s too much. It’s too much. Leave me alone! I can never have a second of peace. Even when I’m out socialising with friends. There is always that uninvited lurker. The iphone. It’s like a baby.  Constantly needing attention. Constantly making noises, beeping, burping, crying. Always screaming pick me up!!! look at me!! play with me!!!




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Think about it, when did you last have a real life conversation with another human without at least one cell phone present? Leave the iphone baby at home fergodsake!

But then again, leaving your cell phone at home comes with its own set of problems, especially when it’s unintentional.

Have you ever forgotten your phone at home? How did you feel that day? Naked? Jittery? Uneasy? Did you contemplate going home during lunch to get it?

Did you change your Facebook status to:


I bet you were so eager to get home that day. You hadn’t even taken off your shoes. The front door was still open. And you ran to your phone.

My sweet, sweet darling. There you are. I promise I will never leave you all alone like that again.

You held it up like Simba in The Lion King. The Circle of Life playing in the background…

betterlionkingtry copy

You pressed it against your bosom.


And checked your messages.




















Now, how do you feel? Dejected? Sad? Forgotten? You look around your empty apartment. It looks pretty grim without a filter doesn’t it?
















8 thoughts on “Social Media

  1. welcome back. i haven’t seen you in a while and seeing another one of your posts reminds me how much i enjoy your work (i “liked” it, you lucky dog,) you make me laugh and your messages often times are so poignant.

    i avoid social media for many of the reasons you mention in this post. i’d get too wrapped up in it. i have never had and never will have a fb account; it would be too much like crack cocaine. i have a twitter account, which i never check. it gets used to announce a new post. I also have wp, that alone causes the great obsession you speak about in your post. two minutes passes since my last post and i wonder why nobody has like the new post! no new followers in a week? why go on? how come no leaves comments when i post? i get totally hamster wheeled.

    maybe you understand my limiting of my social media. if I spend so much energy keeping up with the joneses, i’d be even more of a wreck with four or more social media outlets. i get social media is our generations way of keep up with the joneses. it doesn’t matter which generation it is, too much energy get wasted keep up with the joneses.


    1. Hello friend!! I’ve been here 🙂 but I decided rather than post once a week, I’d only post when I have really good content. You’re not missing much not being on Facebook…it’s pretty boring stuff. I only ever really use it to promote the blog.

      I also do that thing where, when I publish a post, I’m glued to the stats page, counting every like and comment..I turn into Gollum.

      I dream about one day living off the land somewhere in the woods, with no technology and no social contact beyond hand written letters that are delivered once a weeek in a basket by some fairies. Heaven 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. counting every like and comment is the modern equivalent of keeping up with the joneses, especially when there is any inkling of comparing your results verses your blogging friends. i want you to know i’ve never be sucked into that. okay, maybe once in a while, okay, maybe sometimes. okay, maybe a lot. okay, okay, every post. i realize it is not heathy to be keeping up with the jones, but it so easy to get sucked it.

        there is also some part of being accepted that i think is in innate in every human being. a like, a follow, or a comment works as some form of acceptance. there’s really nothing wrong with that…until it becomes the all powerful driving force.

        for those reasons, I honor you for cutting back on your posts. too many people replace likes, comments and follows for want is important, their own self love. i consider wonderful that your have given yourself more of an opportunity to be with and love yourself. you serve as a shining beacon.

        I hope you don’t let this increase in comment count go to your head. 🙂


      2. Sorry for the very late reply. Yeah, I realised early on that the Jones are always ahead of me anyway. No point even trying to keep up. It’s a bottomless pit. I enjoy drawing pictures and writing silly stories…that stuff gives me so much more pleasure than counting my likes. That being said, it is nice to be liked 🙂


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